Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
