the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
