my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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