There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
