by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
pop tarts are not kleenex
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
