hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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