i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
