I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
