Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
