I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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