we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize