airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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