i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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