just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
