white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
