i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
