At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
