We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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