the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
