She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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