She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize