I hate your face
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
