I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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