some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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