He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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