Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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