Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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