Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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