I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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