just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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