I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
