I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
