Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
