His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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