It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize