it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
