Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
