so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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