I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
