Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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