Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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