How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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