he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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