I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
