My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
