She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
