the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
