just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
