You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
