it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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