There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
