does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
