hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
