why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
