I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
