Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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