What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
