He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
