I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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