just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
