i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
