it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
