We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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