I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
