What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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