Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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