She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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