I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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