My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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