there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
