Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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