sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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