Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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