I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
