I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
