Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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