im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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