I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
