First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
