I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
